Here's the thing, I'm not really stalking you. But sometimes I feel like I am! Social media is an amazing tool to keep in touch with so many people. And I love it for that. But what if I've never actually met you? Or what if I haven't seen you in a long time? If I know everything about you, is that weird?
You might feel the same way I do. Or you might not.
I recently met up with a number of people that I am friends with online but haven't seen in years, or ever, actually. It was so nice to meet them in real life and to catch up.... But, was it really catching up?
I knew why they were in town. I knew who they were here with and where they were staying. I knew what they had been up to last week, last month, last year. I know what their kids are doing and how they're doing. I know every hair style they've had in the last five years. I know if they've gained weight, lost weight, or are trying some new weight-loss fad.
I realize that I spend more time on social media than a lot of people - I have to in order to do my job. So I see a lot more than other people do. And I have a very photographic memory which gives me an unfair advantage to remember things I've seen on social media. I'm also an inherently observant person. It's my inner private investigator coming out (you know my Master's is in Forensic Science, right?).
All of these things combine in such a way that I know a lot of information about a lot of people. I love it. I love knowing what they're up to and how they're doing. It makes me feel like I'm a part of their lives.
And to be fair, it's all information they shared online.
But when you meet someone in person, and you know everything about them, do you feel like a stalker?
I asked a lot of these people I've seen recently. I wanted to know if they thought it was weird or if they felt weird. Fortunately for me (or maybe they were just sparing my feelings!), they all seemed to think it was ok. They agreed that they put the information out there so it's free game that people would be aware of it.
This did reassure me and I didn't feel like such a creeper. And it did generate a lot of additional conversation. So I'm trying to let my weirdness about this go.
But I'd like to know from you, do you think it's crazy that I'm "stalking" you? Do you find it weird when people know everything about you? Please leave a comment below and let me know your thoughts!
I don’t think it’s weird at all! I think it’s awesome that you can become friends, even if you’ve never met IRL, with people you otherwise wouldn’t have been able to get to know. My life is so different than it was just a few short years ago. I’ve met people online that I have more in common with now than friends I’ve had for 25 years. These people have enriched my life in countless ways and I feel privileged that we have been able to forms these (mutually voluntary) relationships. I’m super glad to have met you, Jenn, so keep “stalking” away! 🙂
Thanks Michael! It’s been great getting to know you as well. And I agree, the people I have met online (that I never would have met otherwise) have been amazing additions to my life. Glad to hear that you also agree with this whole “stalking” thing 😉
Hello! I purposely think about what I post as being absolutely public and guard info I don’t want to be, so I think it’s fair that you know what I tell you 🙂
Thanks for your input Ashley. And I think that’s fair – you know what you want to keep private and what you don’t mind sharing.
Jenn: You are welcome to “stalk” me in social and friendly way! 😉 I look forward to check-in at your favorite coffee / tea place in San Diego at some point in time in the future… 🙂
We have talked about this topic at Social Media Club in Gothenburg, Sweden.
Thanks Martin 🙂
When I share information online, I expect others to read it. If it was private, or I felt uncomfortable about it, I wouldn’t share (although I may have to rethink some pics of me since I found out you have a photographic memory! haha). However, I find myself saying “my friend” when sharing something I read online, and it does sometimes give me pause. In most cases I have never met many of my online connections. But I love being “social” so, for me, you can never have too many friends!
I agree, Kim. I have numerous people who I consider to be a “friend” even though we’ve never met IRL. I think social media enables these relationships and allows us to better connect with people from all ranges of friendship.
I’ve thought about this a lot, because I too am very active on multiple social media forums; especially now that I am taking a social media class. I’m active on Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, Instagram, and so on. While I do think it is kind of creepy how much information friends (or as you said, not friends- sometimes people who you don’t know at all) have access too, but like you said, at the same time….we offer this information to the public when we post it on our personal pages. I personally only put up information I want others to know, like my birthday and my college; however, i leave out information like my phone number and email. In my opinion, only those who know me enough to contact me directly should have access to that type of information.
Samantha Rothery Tulane University
Hi Samantha! Thanks for your comments. I definitely agree that it’s important to keep contact information private. It’s too easy to find too much information these days and anything we can do to protect that type of information is good.
I’m glad to hear that you’re taking a social media class and that you’re active on all the sites. Just keep protecting your information but have fun getting to know more people!
To answer this question you asked: “But when you meet someone in person, and you know everything about them, do you feel like a stalker?”, I would say yes, that would pretty much satisfy the definition of being a stalker. I too have a superb photographic memory, but I’m not on any social media sites. I used to be though. And I defiantly felt like a stalker when I was on facebook. Its why I got off of it. I remembered all the pictures all my friends put online. It was all pretty pointless and meaningless. I felt like my memory could be better served on more meaningful topics other than my friends spring break pictures. I am bias, oldschool and unlike just about everyone in my generation (b. 1992), but I defiantly feel that the only pure way to understand a person is face to face, not online.
Hi Henry! Thanks so much for your comments. It is very stalker-ish to know so much about people. Which is why I find it awkward when I see these people IRL. It might be worse for people like us with strong memories to small details…
You are definitely unlike most in your generation, but as long as you’re happy to avoid social media and interact face to face, there’s no reason for anyone to question that. I’m sure you have great conversations (in a non-stalker fashion 😉 ) with all of those people!